Cloth Diapering

12 years ago I tried to cloth diaper my first son. That was back when I didn't know of any resources on cloth diapering except for my mom who cloth dipaered me as a baby. I had a bunch of prefolds, pins and plastic pants. Needless to say, it didn't last long...

Now, cloth diapering is coming back and is quite trendy--it's eco-friendly and there are so many adorable materials that moms go for. There is a plethora of information on the internet and many stores with baby supplies carry cloth diapers. I started using them on Benjamin last week and I love them! I have had fewer leaks (hardly any!) compared to using disposables and they are soooo cute, soft and absorbent. I am using mostly bumGenius 4.0, a few FuzziBunz and some Econobum prefolds and covers. So far, I like the bumGenius the most. I started using these when Benjamin reached 7 lbs. even though they say they only go down to 8 lbs. but I haven't had any problems.

But what about the poop, you ask? Well, yeah, poop is poop. You deal with it using disposables, too (ie. blowouts). And you can always wash your hands. :) Actually, I don't ever touch the poop. Just scrape it off and throw the diapers into the wash. Easy. 

I am still getting the washing routine down. Trying to figure out what detergent to use (Shaklee powder, All Free and Clear, Vaska are they ones I'm toying with now) and what wash and rinse cycle works best on my Miele 4800 HE washing machine. I've had to do a ton of research on it all and had no idea it was such a scientific process! I've learned so much about laundry detergent that I never knew before. Like, did you know that Brighteners in detergent don’t actually make your laundry any cleaner? Instead, they absorb ultraviolet light and reflect back blue light, making your laundry appear whiter.

Oh, and lots of people are concerned about the debate between disposables in the landfill vs. the amount of water it takes to wash cloth diapers. Well, not only are disposable diapers super bad for the landfills, but it takes thousands of gallons of water to manufacture enough diapers for a baby to use for one year. So, it's a no-brainer in that regard as well! 

Even though cloth diapers can seem expensive to buy at first (they can run between $15 and $25 each) you only have to buy so many and then you're done. I bought 21 diapers over the course of the past month or so and watched for sales and used online discount codes when possible. I spent $160 total on them (including shipping). This comes out to an average of $7.60 each and they will last me until Benjamin is 30-35 lbs. (at least 2 or 3 years). The average baby goes through $1500-$2000 in disposables in that amount of time. So, that's a HUGE savings! My favorite site to buy everything I need is Cotton Babies.

So soft and cuddly!

This Mountain

The lyrics to the song "Blessings" are posted below and sustained me through my time in the NICU with Benjamin. I had heard the song before but never really listened to the lyrics until the day I went into labor with Ben. I had been out shopping for last minute baby stuff and heard the song on the way home and just bawled. I hadn't slept much in 4 nights and was at the end of my rope in some ways... or so I thought. Later, when I went into labor, two things were going through my head...


One was something a classmate of mine (Doug Linder) told me 16 years ago when I was in college. We were lifting something heavy and I thought I was going to drop it and he told me, "When you think your strength is gone, you actually have 50% left."


The other thing I was thinking was something my brother-in-law told me a few years ago before we climbed a 14er together and I hadn't slept the night before. He said, "You don't need sleep to climb a mountain."


Those two simple yet powerful words spoken to me helped get me through my labor with Benjamin that went through the night--and the next week of very little sleep.


Then, when the reality that my sweet baby was in the NICU and all that ensued, the following song was on auto repeat in my head. It helped me to somehow be content even in the horrible situation I was in. It helped me know that somehow, something good could come out of what was happening. And it made me realize that we are not just blessed when things are going well in life....we are maybe even more blessed when we are going through the trials of life. It is a hard concept because, of course, I was praying that Benjamin would be made well and that we could go home as soon as possible. But at the same time, the surrender I had to go through to give it all to Jesus and have faith in God (not just faith in the outcome I wanted) even though it was very dark and hard to "see" was maybe one of the greatest "blessings" I've experienced.

"Blessings" by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Photo Shoot

 

A friend of ours came to photograph our expanded family and she took some photos of Benjamin and me--pictures I will treasure!!! Here is a link to her website. And here is her blog.

Josh (12), Evan (7), Zach (10), Christian, Benjamin (10 days old) and me!

I can't decide if I like this one in color or black and white better.

 

10 days old

And 6 pounds even!


Benjamin had three appointments this week and everything looks and sounds good! We are soooo thankful for his health and strength and very, very blessed. He is just the sweetest little bug. We just thank Jesus for his everlasting love, grace and peace that has carried us all during this time.


(See the post below if you want to know what happened after Benjamin was born.)

138 Steps...

...from my room that I got to stay in at the hospital to Benjamin Lee's warmer in the NICU. 

But let me back up...I had been having false labor for 4 nights in a row--thus, no sleep. Then on Thursday (Dec. 8th) Joshua had his first band concert which I had told several people was my goal to make it to before I went into labor. 

And I was so glad I was there--moved to tears, actually. I felt that any time after that it would be fine to have our new baby. Well, God and Benjamin took me literally because once we got home I was laying down in bed, reading with Evan, when my water broke. It was 8:30pm and by 9:30 we had the boys off to our amazing neighbor, Jenny's house for the night and were at the hospital. 

My contractions weren't progressing fast enough so they started me on Pitocin at 1:00am. My sister, Mindi, made it up from Colorado Springs to be with us for the labor and Grammy (my mom) stayed with all 5 of the boys. Mindi was a God-send during my labor and helped me take each contraction in stride--massaging my feet or my back and just being a great, peaceful support for me--exactly what I needed.

The baby wasn't responding well to the contractions so they couldn't 'up' the Pitocin high enough. By this time I had labored through the night and it was my 5th night of little to no sleep. I was simply exhausted. It was about 6:00 am when I asked for an epidural. Everyone was surprised since I'd never had one before but something in me felt it was what the baby and I needed. Once I had the epidural, I had Benjamin about an hour and a half later. It must have been what I needed to relax and what Ben needed to come out more quickly since there was meconium present and I definitely didn't want to have to have a c-section.


As soon as they handed my sweet baby to me, my first thought was, "He has such a big mouth!" as he wailed out a loud swamp tune. My second thought, which I verbalized, was, "He is so small!" I heard polite laughter to this--they were probably thinking I'd forgotten how small newborn babies are. But I knew something wasn't right. He was really, really little. And he looked really dark--a dark purplish red color. His apgar scores were 8 and 9 but as the morning progressed one of the nurses started coming to me with different test results. First, of course was his weight. 

He was only 5 lbs. 6 oz. and 19 in. A full two pounds smaller than my other boys and he wasn't born any earlier than they were. All of my guys have been a week or two early. I was worried and almost embarrased, thinking, "Why was he so small? Was it something I did?" His glucose tests came back borderline low and the nurse (she told me later) just had a feeling that something else was wrong. Meanwhile, I was feeling confused about Benjamin. The confusion turned to anger as they found out what was wrong. I couldn't believe that no one had caught what was happening sooner...


Meanwhile, back at the house, my mom was watching our boys and Mindi's. They had fun staying at the hotel, swimming and watching cartoons. 

In the end, my doctor found out that my placenta was compromised--a condition called placenta circumvallate which caused his red blood count to be very high which was making his blood very thick. My placenta didn't form correctly and was small, so basically it wasn't providing adequate nourishment for him. There is nothing to cause or prevent this condition but I sure felt so sad that my body hadn't been giving him what he needed. The high red blood count was making his glucose levels dip lower. Later, after the boys had a chance to meet little Ben, 

he was admitted to the NICU low-level nursery where they put him on IV glucose, antibiotics and did a type of transfusion where they took out some of his blood and replaced it with fluids to, in essence, thin out his blood. We took the next two days to wean him off of the IV fluids as my milk came in. The thought was that, once he was nursing, his glucose levels would regulate and he would be able to go home Sunday or Monday. 

Then, on Sunday night, Benjamin was fully off of the IV fluids! I was having dinner with Christian and the boys when Benjamin stopped breathing for a short time. He had a few of these episodes that night which put him directly into the main area of the NICU to be monitored more closely.  His glucose levels had dropped again so, they reinserted his IV (which is a horrifying experience in itself) and started up the fluids. 

This was the most stressful and scary time for me. My baby had stopped breathing and turned blue. Would it happen again? Was there something else wrong with him that they didn't know about? The doctor ordered a bunch of different labs and tests to be done. Little by little, everything came back perfectly. In the end, they chalked it up to him not being ready to be off of the IV fluids the first time and he basically "passed out" from having such low blood sugar. It took the next 4 days to wean him off of the fluids and make sure he was stable once he was off of them. There were a few little hiccups in there but he came out healthy and strong and a champion nurser! 

Along the way, I literally saw God's hand present in so many details. From being able to get one of only two "sleep rooms" at the hospital so that I could keep nursing him, to each nurse that cared for Ben being a specific blessing, to the way the events played out and the timing of everything. For the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I really felt that the baby or I was in distress somehow. Now I know why. I think Ben needed to come out because he wasn't getting the nourishment in me that he needed and it just took a bit of time out in this world for that to kick in--specifically in the form of nursing. Throughout my pregnancy, I have learned more and more to trust my gut and not feel silly to tell someone if I think something is wrong. Benjamin has already overcome so many things in his short life. So many many people have been praying for him and me throughout my pregnancy and in this past week. God has moved mightily to provide the protection, peace, grace, strength and mercy needed for Ben and for me to get through this.

 

Thank you so much if you've read this far and for the prayers and love you have given us. I know each prayer was heard by God and was a part in the whole process of making him well! He is such a little miracle and already has passed up his birth weight. I think he knows that he has some big shoes to fill and a very special purpose for this life!

Josh and Ben

Evan with Ben

Zach and Ben

This was the scene at our house last night. We had sung Christmas carols and then Christian was reading a book to the boys--all 4 of them. I was overwhelmed by how blessed I am. It's so good to be all together again!!!